A little update of my life. Went on a Genting trip with Company the weekend b4. The trip was amazing. The best Genting trip I ever had in my life. Its the first time I went on a holiday without my parents. No nagging, No restrictions, No parents! Yea. I got to do a lot of stuff I cant possibility do with them around.

The trip was only meant for Managers and above. But Ms Jasmine was nice enough to allow Yan Ru and Me to go for the Trip. So nice of her la! What's more, we are the only 3 from Taurus de team. Most of the guys were from Bison. All of them initially looked unfriendly and gives the dontcomenearme, donttalktome kinda look. But as we get to know each other better, we bonded just like super glue. Most of them are smokers, or rather all of us are smokers. Some of us, like me wanted to act Guai Kia in front of Ms Jasmine and Ms Jessy and Yan Ru they all so we smoked secretly in the room. =) The room stinks to the 9th heaven la!

On the 2nd day, we went to the outdoor theme park. Ms Jessie was HORRIBLE! She took out the map of all the rides and then pointing at all the thrill rides. I was.. lost. I have never been on any roller coaster rides b4. Im one of those who looked strong on the outside and weak on the inside. Worst. Everyone, including Yan Ru was like.. So excited la. Eventually, I have to put up a strong front and took the rides with them. Break Limitation yea.. To my surprise, I got addicted to "COckScrew" the rollercoaster ride. I took the ride 3 times with the 2 gals la. Shiok! Ahha. Worst challenge to take "Spaceshot" The one that brings u up vertically to the 15th floor and drop u down. Like Committing suicide la. lol. Fun Fun!

Night time was.. erm... Romantic? Beacuse Ms Jasmine and Ms Jessy went to the Casino leaving Yan Ru alone and she's afraid to stay in her hotel room alone. Thus, she came over to my room. And god! She said, she wanna bath.. Then she grab her clothes and went into the bathroom. "The door cannot lock, dont come in hor!" She shouted. I was like =.= Wa lau.. A guy and a gal together in a hotel room and the gal's bathing without locking the door. WTH la! Worst, she came out saying pants very short. I was almost going GAGAing. x.x. Mayb I was too tired that night, wanted to sleep and couldnt care less. I separated the bed (Act Gentlemen), and off the lights. Then she started shouting, Ah tong.. Too Dark... Cant get to sleep blah blah blah blah.. -Couldnt stand her- Wanted to much to confess to her lor, wanted to much to hug her that night. But Bu ke yi! Company rules says no BRG! and she will properly reject me cuz we are both fighting for our mananger position. Argh! Wonder how long I can hold on, seeing the girl u like everyday at work and yet have to act like you dont care. What-ever...

No words can describe the feeling, the emotion, the fun and everything about this trip. Its memories that will stay with me for years to come.

Humm.. Its been so long since I wrote in such casual tone. Felt nice. Felt good...

Projects + work = Project work!

I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!
I wanna sleep!

Humm.. Hope its not too late to have a New Year's resolution.. Aww, wait.. I didn't have a New Year's resolution, but here are some goals for this year!

* Get more involved with company and climbing to my desired position

* Improve my relationship with my family members

* Up my monthly household contribution to $300

* Save up money for my future

* Make real friends

* Gain some weight

* Get my car lisence

* Exercise more and hopefully train up some muscles!

Yeah that should be it :D

On another note, I have a new item on my wishlist. An evo or a skyline! Cant decide which one, though. From all the speculation, what I'd love on the upcoming Sept one would be:

* Becoming company's car achiever and owning a ridiculously tuned car.

Sounds nice. :D

It is late when I get home, the clock says 13:00. I wonder how far that belief about the unluckiness of 13 goes. It certainly seems to ring true for tonight. I trudge up the stairs to the bedroom, not really bothering to be quiet. Yen rarely is awakened by sounds; it takes me all of ten minutes every morning to shake her awake.

Yen. I open the door a crack and hear her soft breathing. Pushing the door open, I step in and close it behind me as quietly as I can, not to avoid waking her, but so I can keep listening to the sounds of her slumber. Moving to the side of her bed, I watch her for a few moments more, then place my hand on top of hers. I can feel her pulses, her heartbeat. Its so warm and loving listening to the heart that she said I held in the palm of my hand, taking comfort in the one thing in life that I always could've counted on.

It strikes me this instant that I am thinking of it in past tense, when the last time I curled up in her arms to listen to that heart was just yesterday. But the events of tonight have put the things that I thought would always be present, into the past. I wonder if in her sleep, she can smell me, and the scent of someone else on me. I wonder if she would wake up tomorrow and feel that something's different about me, that for one night since the day I became hers, I was someone else's.

I tear my eyes and my hand away from her, desperate to find something else to think about, just to get away from what I've lost. My fingers find the desk lamp; the click of the switch seems so loud in this silence. The scattered sheets of paper and books are illuminated, a page on a paint catalogue screams out at me with a myriad of squares in different colours. My eyes are drawn to a square in a peachy pink colour which Yen has circled, but it is not this which holds my attention, but the colour right below it.

Slate grey. So dark a grey, it's almost black if you look at it too long, or maybe just not long enough. I reach out and touch the square, it's plastic-smooth under my fingers, and I realise this is the colour of life. That little bit of white mixed in makes you stick around for more to come, but sometimes you wish it was just completely black, so you could just give up on it.

© 2008 Fanshu. All rights reserved.

Honeymoon periods. I suppose it depends on how you define the honeymoon period. There are parts of the honeymoon period that end inevitably, the crazy googoogaga nologicwhatsoever buaytahanifIdon'tseeyourightnow that one associates with love. It's the time when everything seems peachy and nothing in the world can go wrong, I guess. That part's usually very short. Haha.

I do think a lot of the things you have at the start eventually sorta go away. My ex, whom I unfortunately had rather sparse chemistry with, insisted that romance can last if you try to keep it alive.

Maybe then it's how you define romance. Just cause you get somewhat 'used' to seeing a person doesn't mean you love the person less, it's just that you've kinda gotten the initial infatuation and you realise that your significant other does do normal things like sit on the toilet bowl and occasionally pick her nose when no one's looking. Sending 328946 smses a day to ask how she is and letting her know where you are and waiting with bated breath for the BEEP BEEP and getting all emo when it doesn't come is something that obviously doesn't (and perhaps shouldn't) last forever.

As you progress in your relationship, you progress in your life. And while your life may include the other person, it shouldn't revolve around the other person, just like how you shouldn't expect her to revolve her life around you. The honeymoon period can end, and that's when you know whether you love the person or not. Or vice versa. Eventually the things you once thought were SO CUTE (-insert vapid lovestruck expression here-) will be things that kinda annoy you once in awhile. Oh no, this perfect gal isn't so perfect because she doesn't hug me like she used to, doesn't do this and that..

There are certain things which do end with the honeymoon period, and certain things which don't. Gals, being the neanderthals that they are, will still need to bond with their female counterparts once in awhile. And as much as that may invoke a tearful declaration of my undying love which she will so conveniently put aside for that oh-so-important shopping trip with the recently reunited jie mei(s), it doesn't (shouldn't) take a toll on our relationship. Of course, if it's on a special day such as our anniversary, then hell hath no fury. When I call her and he is too sleepy to talk, or she's terribly unresponsive because she's trying to play Rhasta with one hand while entertaining my endless yakking, I have to realise sometimes that when I come and bug her in the middle of something she's doing, she is not always going to welcome it. As much as she loves me. Which I know she does.

If you're a different person when you're with her and when you're alone/with friends/family then you need to ask yourself why that's so, and whether she's the same person with you as well. If she has to be someone else while with you, then when the honeymoon period ends, SO DOES THE ACT.

There comes a time when I ask myself - what is my place in her life? Do I butt into his gals-only activities? Do I insist on being part of everything she does?

If so, then I'm sorely mistaken on the difference between love and smothering.

I'ill be waiting-