Someone asked me yesterday how I know when someone's love for me is fading. It's one of those questions you hate thinking about because then you start wondering if that's what's going on in your own relationship.
At the end of the day though, I generally think people have their own way of showing love, which sorta evolves throughout a relationship. A person may not say the sickeningly sweet things they used to say when you first started dating, but you know the person loves you by the other things they do for you, like calling you on the way to your place to see if you want any food they could pick up on the way, or praying for you every day, stuff like that. And so often these things are stuff you don't really notice, because the kind of love actions that come with time usually are subtle, yet they mean more than sweet words ever could.
When a relationship begins, the person is trying to impress you, plus you're someone new and exciting, so naturally they will have the energy to sit with you throughout your six hour pedicure, or show up at your house uninvited with wine and roses. But like many things, these are planned gestures, or the kind of thing which usually takes some sitting down and going, "What will I do for him/her today?" And when things eventually get stable and stuff you don't spend every waking moment trying to do things out of love, you just... do them. And it may not be as showy as the stuff you do at first, but it's still acts of love and care. But of course once in awhile you'll do something special, when there's an occasion or whatever. But people who expect the same kind of hopelessly romantic actions throughout a relationship have a pretty one-tracked idea of love, in my opinion.
And it was one thing that my ex just couldn't grasp. Her idea of love meant showering me with gifts, giving me every single thing I wanted, liking everything I liked. In turn, I had to appreciate everything she enjoyed, from basketball, 'N' Roses to clubbing, and if we were together we had to do the same thing. I couldn't be playing the computer while she watched tv, I had to watch it with her. I couldn't disagree on what music we liked, I had to like what she liked or I was just a plain bimbo or being stubborn and rebellious. I couldn't hang out with friends if she was free to hang out with me, and I couldn't tell her not to drink or smoke because that meant I was trying to change her or make her miserable and not respecting her 'needs'.
When someone doesn't want you to drink or smoke, is it because they hate you or because they care? Some people just don't get that people try to make you stop something because they love you, not cause they're out to get you. Some people don't get that their way of showing love doesn't mirror everyone else's. :\
I made the mistake of talking to my ex, though helpful in what I asked her, she's kind of a pushy businesswoman. Aha.
Some things don't change, apparently.
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