Honeymoon periods. I suppose it depends on how you define the honeymoon period. There are parts of the honeymoon period that end inevitably, the crazy googoogaga nologicwhatsoever buaytahanifIdon'tseeyourightnow that one associates with love. It's the time when everything seems peachy and nothing in the world can go wrong, I guess. That part's usually very short. Haha.

I do think a lot of the things you have at the start eventually sorta go away. My ex, whom I unfortunately had rather sparse chemistry with, insisted that romance can last if you try to keep it alive.

Maybe then it's how you define romance. Just cause you get somewhat 'used' to seeing a person doesn't mean you love the person less, it's just that you've kinda gotten the initial infatuation and you realise that your significant other does do normal things like sit on the toilet bowl and occasionally pick her nose when no one's looking. Sending 328946 smses a day to ask how she is and letting her know where you are and waiting with bated breath for the BEEP BEEP and getting all emo when it doesn't come is something that obviously doesn't (and perhaps shouldn't) last forever.

As you progress in your relationship, you progress in your life. And while your life may include the other person, it shouldn't revolve around the other person, just like how you shouldn't expect her to revolve her life around you. The honeymoon period can end, and that's when you know whether you love the person or not. Or vice versa. Eventually the things you once thought were SO CUTE (-insert vapid lovestruck expression here-) will be things that kinda annoy you once in awhile. Oh no, this perfect gal isn't so perfect because she doesn't hug me like she used to, doesn't do this and that..

There are certain things which do end with the honeymoon period, and certain things which don't. Gals, being the neanderthals that they are, will still need to bond with their female counterparts once in awhile. And as much as that may invoke a tearful declaration of my undying love which she will so conveniently put aside for that oh-so-important shopping trip with the recently reunited jie mei(s), it doesn't (shouldn't) take a toll on our relationship. Of course, if it's on a special day such as our anniversary, then hell hath no fury. When I call her and he is too sleepy to talk, or she's terribly unresponsive because she's trying to play Rhasta with one hand while entertaining my endless yakking, I have to realise sometimes that when I come and bug her in the middle of something she's doing, she is not always going to welcome it. As much as she loves me. Which I know she does.

If you're a different person when you're with her and when you're alone/with friends/family then you need to ask yourself why that's so, and whether she's the same person with you as well. If she has to be someone else while with you, then when the honeymoon period ends, SO DOES THE ACT.

There comes a time when I ask myself - what is my place in her life? Do I butt into his gals-only activities? Do I insist on being part of everything she does?

If so, then I'm sorely mistaken on the difference between love and smothering.

I'ill be waiting-

Just came back from meeting Wanderz, BJ, Ruby, Alan, Merv and special guest Fatofu. Fatofu shared with us his experience in Russia and @ Dreamhack. His dreamhack experience so funny lahz. The hotel they stayed in had the common toilet concept. So he came out of the shower pantless to be greeted by the MYM guys. He shook their hands PANTLESS. I wonder if they noticed anything =X LOL!

------------

People change. But do you have to change till you forget your friends? Maybe to you they aren't much of a friend to you. Well they did ask you out and stuffs. I'm rather disappointed in your crude remarks and reactions to them. I don't know what's up with you. Don't know what's wrong with you. Don't know what you want.

------------

Somehow I feel like a back-up plan to your life.lol.

------------

Life is filled with choices. Every choice comes with opportunity cost. Every decision comes with consequences. I wonder if this time I am up to the challenges and changes. I know my weakness. I need to change. I somehow can't as much as i want to. I can't have someone who gives in to me till i step on the person's head. I can't have someone who doesn't give in to me at all coz I will cry. The right mix. It's almost impossible.

------------

I admire how the both of you are so sweet to each other though half the time i totally cannot stand the way you both quarrel over stupid stuffs. Maybe it's the quarrels that make you two cherish each other. A little jealous =X

------------

This is how much my head is thinking of right now. Mass unrelated issues. LOL! You wen ti =\

Unimaginable mood and thoughts.

Dreams scare me. Or maybe it's better classified as nightmares. I'm so tired. I want to sleep. But I end up tossing and turning. Just somehow can't get a terrifying image out my mind.

I find myself to be a stubborn person. I am holding on to things which I shouldnt be. I cant force myself to forget things. I dont know what to do. Im lost..

I wan cup cakes. Sad. Told someone I want cup cakes. She tell me buy cake put in a cup =( Emo.

I dunno why but i just feel so moody. Somehow there's some issue with people around me today. But there's just one person that can put a smile on my face. =D I can't help smiling thought I'm tired and moody.

I somehow yearn for affection.

There's some girl I 'know'. As in I know about her, but I don't know her.

Very weird girl, I think. Manipulating her boyfriend constantly, always using her supposed ailments to make herself look like some pitiful victim.

I wonder who is the victim of that kind of sociopathy.

Things like, "How can you leave me here, you know how scared I am to be alone. Don't be surprised if you come home to find me unconscious."

There is only one word I can use to describe that, and that word is FREAKY. Seriously does one need to act like a terminally ill patient to gain the love and support of your boyfriend? If you do, then I don't think it's real love - you're just looking for pity.

Lastly, do you really love him or do you only love yourself? Cause it seems like the latter.

Enough of Ranting. Anyhow, had a pleasant outing with Tarus members yesterday even though I arrived late and almost lost my way in Vivo, cuz that place is so god damm big.

Went to Burger King with the BMs and got to know them a little better. Mr Yanlong's always so friendly. Mr Smith's certainly has got the CA look, confident and daring to go for what he wants. Ms Corinne's kinda cool. Eventually ,we went for a movie " Enchanted" and the movie's awesome. Nice beautiful fairytale, just right for me. Ha.

Shall end here. Projects awaits.

How much am i willing to give up? I don't know. Maybe i'm not ready for this. I can't just give up what i've planned for, something that makes me happy. Compromises can be made i guess. We can survive through this ordeal? Maybe. It isn't that long anyways. Will my interest last that long i wonder. You don't have to doubt me coz i doubt myself.

Today I wake up feeling so.. alone.

That feeling that drags you down every step I take.

"Tong! Jia you!" Thats all she said to me.

A cold trace down my cheek
The biggest splash onto my desk
The loudest silent scream...

Was reading this, cos' I'm really depressed.

For a guy:
1) Treat your relationship like a career. Like a job, do not expect it to last a lifetime.
2) Women will never forgive you if you make them pay. Be the first one to offer to pay.
3) Know when to hold on and when to let go. Prolonging a bad relationship will do you no good.
4) Don't play the blame game. Be a gentleman, and let the trivial things be.
5) Don't go back for sex. It only complicates matters.
6) Don't call her when you're drunk. We all know that this is a potent anti-aphrodisiac.
7) Resist the need to show and tell. Gossiping about your ex not only throws a bad light on you, it may also make her bitter.
8) Don't show off a new girlfriend. It doesn't go well with the ladies, you look needy and desparate.
9) And please, please don't sulk or walk around with a long face. No girl likes to date a sulky guy, still holding on to his past.
How to manage a breakup:
1) Do not cry in front of him/her(already did). Hug, say goodbye, wish luck with life, and leave with grace(no, not at all).
2) Go to your best friends for a shoulder to cry on. They will be able to make you laugh and say all the right things to make you feel better.
3) Don't hesitate to cry... have a long good cry.
4) Cut off all contact with him/her for at least a month; this will help the healing process because you won't be talking to him/her all the time(will do).

Ripped this off from somewhere. Argh.. Love sux! Ban it plz.

You can't do things you shouldn't be doing. You can't feel things you shouldn't be feeling. Remember what your friend have once put you through. Don't put him through the same thing. He might not have thought of your feelings but still you should remember all the small things he did for you and the times he stood by your side when everyone was trying to kill you. Remember all the people you have to answer to. Remember all that you have been through. This will probably end the same way too. Don't be silly. Don't be bought over by words. The world is out there to fool you. Don't fall for it little boy. Don't be bought by her sweet words it's no where sweet. It's out to kill you. You have been rather evil so far. This would be retribution. Don't fall for it please.

The funny thing about love is it gives you so many things to say "there's nothing better than" or "there's nothing worse than" about.

There's nothing better than waking up to the person you love.
There's nothing better than the first time someone says she loves you.
There's nothing better than coming home and knowing she's waiting for you.
There's nothing better than having someone who knows you through and through.
There's nothing better than someone who's ready to listen to all you've got to say.
There's nothing better than having someone to sms/call whenever something happens and you're dying to tell somebody.
There's nothing better than making her happy and knowing you did something right.
There's nothing better than knowing you're loved.

There's nothing worse than calling and not getting an answer when you need her most.
There's nothing worse than that awkward point after a quarrel.
There's nothing worse than waiting for her to cool off, and call you back.
There's nothing worse than disappointing her, and knowing you blew it. Again.
There's nothing worse than reaching out and being pushed away.
There's nothing worse than hearing her say she wants to be alone, when you don't want to be alone.
There's nothing worse than being invisible.
There's nothing worse than letting the sun set on a quarrel.
There's nothing worse than wondering if she really loves you that much.

"How's things?"
"Alright, I guess. Could be better... Then again. Things could always be better."
"Hah. Story of everyone's life."

Where should I start? Humm... No fanciful english for today...

Im very happy today. Yen Loo had a successful trip to Malaysia. She managed to close a number of deals. She Insisted on going to Malaysia to tell her relatives about the product even after being told that no one will entertain her. I heard from My Yan long that she was practically bombarded by her relatives and almost blew her top. But she didnt. She persevered and tolerated. Thus, she made it.

Deep down, I know that she is a very very brave girl. A very determined and strong girl. A girl whom I know will stand tall during the darkest storm. I really admire her. I want to be like her. To be a strong guy in front of others. I wanna meet her expectations of a guy. A guy whom she can confine in. Not the other way around....

I have got many many things to say today. I don't know where to start. I have been working for 2 weeks already. I have not seen any results yet but I have learned a lot. I am motivated by all the positive people around me. I think I have changed. These changes although small and not noticeable, helps to shape me into a greater being, into a stronger guy.

I want to perserve and hold on. Because I know one day.. just one of these day.. I will become a man. A real man. A man admired and looked upon by others..

(x.x) Goosh..I dont find any sense in my post today. I simply wanted to literally spam every thoughts of mine in this post.. xD

I know how to draw the line between upline and downline. Want me to show you?

Another long post that was deleted.

She picks up the bag and tiptoes towards the door. The sun has just begun to rise in the sky, and shines through the curtains behind her. She avoids looking at him, because it would give her all too many reasons to stay.

Her set of keys jingle softly in her hand, and he stirs awake.

"Amy?"

She turns, her face flushed.

"You're having a dream, sweetheart. Go back to sleep."

He ignores her and sits up in bed, gazing at her sleepily.

"Where are you going, honey?"

I'm leaving.

She looks down at the trackpants and tee she is wearing, and mumbles, "Jogging."

He blinks, looking confused, and glances out the window for a second, then back at her. "It's so early, and you hate to exercise."

Damn it.

At this point she realises her lip smarts where she'd been biting it. A painful lump rises in her throat as she fights to say what she's been thinking, for too long.

I'm done with being invisible. I'm done trying to make you see me, the way I see you. I'm done loving you so much more than you love me.

He tilts his head thoughtfully, still seemingly oblivious to the internal battles going on between her head and heart, then opens his arms and whispers, "Come back to bed."

Almost mechanically, she crosses the room and climbs in beside him as he lifts the covers for her. She rests her head on his chest, feeling it rise and fall, and she puts her hand on his heart as he places his hand over hers. She wonders if his heart beats for her, or if it ever had. A tear rolls over the bridge of her nose into the other eye, and then explodes onto his chest into a puddle of wetness that feels slick against her cheekbones.

He lifts his head and looks at her, concern mounting in his face.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

Suddenly the dam breaks and he holds her close in confusion as the tears fall, fat drops of frustration and anger and misery and helplessness.

Everything's wrong, baby. But yet, everything just feels so right.

"Sometimes it's complacency. You must survive by proving your worth."

Hopefully that's possible. Am I even worth it?

The funny thing is, though romance appeals to me (I am an advocate of paperback trash novels, go me) I've never been one to really show my feelings. I could have a way with words, but when it came to touch and actually demonstrating love, I could be remarkably cold, maintaining a distance from the person I was supposedly in love with. And funnily enough, that hasn't changed so much now - because around her I'm often dumbstruck. I don't know what to say that'll send her reeling. Words can't come to me, and when they do they don't seem to express the way I feel about her. Somehow I've turned from a creature of logic to one of emotions.

It all feels too damn weird, looking back now. If I thought I was even remotely in love with anyone else, I was so wrong. I know, I know, it's easy to say that when I'm here now, but my brother's always commenting on how distant I was with previous relationships etc etc. With my previous four ex's, I was just... cold. So many feelings and tears and declarations of love were a lie I told to myself, as much as I did to them.

Maybe it was the wall I built around myself after my second heartbreak. The fortress I hid in was one that nobody could seem to penetrate - with towers so high and marksmen who shot you down from so far a distance, walls and layers upon layers of anger and dismissiveness to get through. I am hateful. I have hurt so many. Emotionally erratic. Malicious. Spiteful. Selfish. Temperamental. How did she* cross that bridge, the walls, evading the watchful eyes of the sentinels and find her way to the centre of me? What did she do that seems to make my heart so readily to embrace her ?

I dont know. z.

Ohayo.. Been blogging so much lately. Lots of thoughts running through my head. z. Emo. Its now 6 plus in the morning and I should been preparing for school. But yet, here I am blogging. z.

I really want the bunny I saw at the pet shop in Suntec. :(

The gunmetal gray bunny with the cute chubby face. Sigh.

I wonder how much you cost, little girl.

Suddenly had the urge to compose a poem. Its bout a guy's infatuation with a sweet girl.

Meek gutless lightweight
Horde of a million white carbon copies
Walking the aisle of unending a eons
Soulless glissade en-route to repulsion

Fortuitous tempered gaze
From a close afar
Strangling attraction of unseen perplexity
Magnetizing his dead senses

Cabalistic ensnare of honeyed ardor
Arcane grotto housing romantic souls
The harmonization of passionate lip locks
Fluttering sprites loving and loving

The lunatic explosion fleetly crumbled
Without questions, without answers
Her amaranthine loveliness drifted away
Imploding a spell of indefinite hurt

I don't like to be reminded of everything Ms Jasmine has said. The words still haunt me. The flash of images still scares me. I wish everything can just be normal. Then again a wish is just a wish. Welcome back to reality. So much for missing you. So much for wanting to give in. Stopped again by the very things that i thought i could get used to.

I wanna go shopping. I wanna get myself a New Kb from Razer. Costs 150 Bucks. Z. Worth it or no. I have no idea. I need a new wallet badly. I need new clothes. I need a new pair of slippers. I think my dog ate part of my slipper. -.-" I need to make a trip down to NW this week. I need cheesecake. I need KTV. I need lan shop tonning session. I wanna run down ECP. I wanna enjoy my glass of wine. So many things to do. So little time. Crap.

Not feeling well today. Headache. Runny nose. Sneezing. Sore throat.

Take me home take me home take me home..

I've been thinking.

I have been a bit more irritable in Dota games lately. A trait I really detest in myself. So I will work on being more chilled out again.

In turn, I get quite irritated when people emo at me also. Hai. Actually my favourite IRC people to play Dota with are Cynthia, Zilch, Fufu, and Mac.

Why, because they don't emo. Well Cynthia spams "emo" or "it's over" throughout when something goes wrong but I don't see her emoing after it. Zilch, Fufu and Mac no need to say. They're Quiet. Simply quiet guys.

I feel less pressure with them. I don't feel that I have to prove myself, and thus I play much better when I'm relaxed. I dc'ed three games in a row and nobody mentioned much except "Lol again!"

And maybe that's my point.

There is a ton of bitching going on, so much that you wonder how people stay united. When someone else besides you is doing badly, you are inevitably pulled into bitching about that person behind his back. To his face, it's the lightest of comments about having to improve. Behind the walls, it's a different story.

So when you're not the one doing badly, it's a relief. But when it's you who's not performing up to par, you get the chilling feeling that it's gonna be you that's bitched about. For sure, in the same way you've bitched about someone else, or worse.

My silencer sucked yesterday night. I shall stick to glaive stats from now on. Then again, my farming has never been good, and I often underutilise my Midas. Maybe I should just not make it, otherwise I have to learn to use it properly. In lane, I couldn't seem to get the timing right, and my damage wasn't that high. End up with Cass getting most of the last hits, or worse, the enemy qop denying it.

I chose not to play the next game, even though it was just a pub.

Instead, I went on BNet and played a pub with Keith and co, using silencer. Glaive stats. The game ended with leavers, but I farmed second to Alvin, and that's with an annoying ass Zeus in my lane screwing up my timing.

It's not that I don't like training. I think I used to, till all the politics began to wear me down. I can feel animosity that never used to be there. I actually am relieved when I dc from a game. I shouldn't be feeling that.

I know I'm not the best farmer or support or whatever, and certainly not the best player, or would ever be. But I don't pass bitchy comments to get a person down, and I don't criticise someone's playing out of malice. I get sianz when it happens, to me or anyone else. Maybe my mistake has been not pointing it out and trying to eradicate it.

Sigh, maybe I should just shut up before I get blasted even further.

I hate it when people take things for granted. The world wasn't just created for your abuse. I can be nice but don't make use of my kindness. I'm just doing what i think would be nice. In life you gotta give and take not just take and take. It really sucks to be trying to hard to keep things we want the way it is and the way we want it to be and people take it for granted. =(

There's only so much that i can do to keep things going. I don't know if it's worth it anymore. It might have been a long time. I still feel teary when i think about it. Ah but whatever. I'm probably having all these dumb thoughts coz i haven't really slept. LOL.

Had not had a good sleep since sat. Napped for 3.5 hours. Awake from 5.30 till now. Gosu ownage. Maybe it's flopping yesterday that's keeping awake today. Though i was with her the whole of ytd. Still feeling a little weird.

So many thoughts right now. It's so hard keeping a friend as a friend. Wish sometimes people will understand. x.x

First, identify yourself as right or left brain person:

1. Hold your hands together, as if you were praying.

Look at your hands.If you see

Left thumb is below the right thumb ---> left brain

Right thumb is below the left thumb ---> right brain

2. Fold your arms in front of you (as if you are angry)

Right arm above left arm ---> left brain

Left arm above right arm ---> right brain
Based on 1+2 (order important), below is the interpretation of your personality:

Right-Left :(I belonged to this personality, and i totally agree about it!) Considerate, traditional, indirect type can instinctively read other's emotion, and respond friendly by natures. Although not very into taking initiatives in moving forward, but this person will always take a step back in supporting others. Stable personality and considerate, give others a being protected feeling. But the weakness is they cannot say no; regardless how unwilling they are, they will take care of others.

Right-Right: Loves challenges type Straightforward. Once they decided on one thing, will take action right away. Very curious, and love challenges. Dare to face dangers without thinking through (sometimes foolishly). Their weakness is they don't listen to others, will filter in only what whey want to hear in a conversation, and very subjective. However, because of their straightforward attitude, they tend to be fairly popular.

Left-Left : Dedicated, cold, perfectionist Very logical in all aspects. The only way to defeat (or win over) him/her is through reasons. Has a lot of prides, and feeling strongly about doing the right thing. If they are your friends, they are very trustworthy. However, if they are your opponents, they will be very tough to deal with. Because they can be very 'anal' as a perfectionist, they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with when first met.

Left-Right :Likes to take care of others, leader type Has a cool and keen observation ability to see through situations, yet still can be considerate in others needs. Because of their cool and calm nature, and strong sense of responsibility, they tend to become head of a group. Popular among people. However, they may not be able to help themselves in meddling because they want to take care of others too much. Very concerned about how others view them, and always on alert.

Aww.. hasent updated my bloggy for mths. z Been so busy with school work. I didnt even have time to slp. z. Fck school. Lotsa stuff to do... Finally, I have got the time to update my little bloggy. Dont u miss me? Ha.

Life's been getting better for me, at least school work wise.. I got into the option of my choice -3D. Only 50+ people from my course got in. I'm one of the lucky ones. Well, Life been basically the same for me. Been emoing and emoing. Staring @ my computer screen in the middle of the nitez just makes me feel lonely. I wish I had someone to take care of me. But no one would know how to take care of me.

Well, some good news, to me at least. My crush broke up with her boyfriend. Evil ';....;'. Ha. I dont know if its right to laugh @ others. But I had this crush on her since PAE. U know first three months in a JC, fooling around with friends. z. Emo. I miss those times.. Been talking to her on msn for the last couple of days. Got to know her better I guess. Been to her blog. Read her posts. Found out that she has changed a lot, been through a lot and has grown up. I think im going crazy over her. z. But I dont have the courage to confess to her. Why? Im afraid. What happens if she rejects me? Will we still friends? If she accepts me, how long will we last? How much do I really know bout her? So many questions, yet no ans.. z. emo

Kinda emo. zi bi -Walks to corner draw circles-

你最近不说话 怎么了 为什么
是不是有什么事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单 有点乱 有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的 我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的 却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合 也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早已就结束
不想再约束不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
这一次我们都能很幸福

Being single isn't that bad I guess. It has many plus points to make myself happy. I guess finally someone did the right thing to initiate it. It was dragging on. There wasn't common time or interest. Oh wells. Don't blame anyone. Don't blame yourself. We had our time. We had our laughs. We had our love. It shall be remembered.

I hate to listen to bad things people have to say. But it's in my nature that when people tell me something half way I have to know the full story or I will just feel so itchy to want to know about it. Z. Yet again I got myself to listen to some dumb story that breaks my heart. Things I wished would never be true. It was in my nature to trust the person instead of what other people said but now. I guess it's different. I'm kinda disappointed again. Feeling that I'm wasting my time and effort holding on to something that isn't real. I may be true to that person but i'm just plain lying to myself.

I guess. I shall just let it be. I shall apply the theory he applied. Remember the bad stuffs. Well if she is sincere I wouldn't have been wasting these three years of my life. Pretending to forget all the bad things. Pretending everything is still the same. It isn't. It won't be. It can't be.

It really sucks. To be here tearing. To try to trust someone again. And it all just has to fall apart again. Fck it. Really sucks. Zzz. Maybe I shall just never trust a person who broke my trust. Simple? I guess Galare ice cream isn't enough to keep this little boy smiling for long. Not even the sweets. I need more ice cream =(

Time to start loving. Loving myself.

[It starts with]
One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know, time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal, didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

One thing, I don’t know why
Doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how I tried so hard
Despite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so far
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There’s only one thing you should know

I want to talk on the phone.

I want a bedtime story.

I want a meow.

I want shopping.

I want an Everglide T-100 keyboard.

I want new flip flops.

I want new phone.

I want new shirts.

I want more shopping.

I want Citibank Credit Card.

I want to get drunk silly.

I want the world to be simple.

I want humans to not be evil.

I want Dark chocolates.

I want Strawberry.

I want to be happy.

Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
It's no problem with mind, but it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind

There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes and it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday

I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be

Every time I see you falling I'll
Get down on my knees and pray;
I'm waiting for the final moment you'll
Say the words that I can't say.

Why do you never keep to your word?
Why do you always say one thing and do another?
Why do you always say one thing and mean another?
Is it very hard to keep to what you say?

Ah. I think i'm weird.

Humm.. Woke up early. The air's fresh. Kinda feeling weird today. Was wondering If I could survive this weeek of school. School was never fun to me. =( Well, Recently came across a blog while watching Gangster 15 on youtube (Waching the show to get inspiration for DMPF project). The owner of the blog is a girl. She is always smiling, always laughing. Unlike me. I wish to be like her. I wish to have someone to care bout me. I wish for a change. I dont want to be thinking of her anymore. I want to move on with my life. I want to smile. Real smiles, not fake ones.

Now I wish that someone, someone like her, can bring laughter back into my life. Maybe I have not found that someone yet. But I know she is somewhere out there in the world. Waiting for me..

Will my wishes come true? Or am I dreaming?

Maybe I was silly. Really silly to think this will work out again. Time to think. I think we both need more than just time. I guess whatever you said werejust words. I've done quite alot of thinking. But I guess the thinking I did was only on the good stuff. I have forgotten all the bad stuffs that come along with me. I'm trying to recall but I'm afraid. Losing almost everything I have now. Is it worth it? I know I won't be able to find another better one at least, I think. But is it all worth it? Can someone tell me please. Maybe God can stop playing games and give me a sign. =(

I wish whatever you said tallies with whatever you do. I wish you could tell the truth. Everything just seems so blur right now. Maybe it's all lies. Just lies. Give me a break please. It's a torture to hold back the tears.

It irritates me that people quit games. Especially drafts. What's more a friendly match with your friends. Screwed up. Z. If you wan sleep wan eat wan shit wan whatever fck then don't fcking jio match or tell your friend that you don't want to play in the first place instead of wasting 9 people's time like you just did. Irritates me seriously.

You suck. You're fcked up.

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can’t find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess

I tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

Officially outta Team Blaz[3] today. Time really flies. I have been in this Team for about 2 months now. The memories and Friends that I have met in the Team will always be remembered. But Still Im kinda EMO now. arghh...Donno why, Cant bear to leave the Team. =( We trained together every sat @ egames then eventually moved over to GG. Humm.. Teri-, Sixer, Knight, Jix Robin, dh, kw, Bam and everyone else. Thank you for everything. Really.

Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
'Coz when nothing seems clear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You'll be safe here

When no one understands
I'll believe
You'll be safe,
You'll be safe
You'll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You'll be safe here

I'm emo......... EMOOOOOOOOO.. Saw a notebook which was collecting dust in my drawer. It somehow is making me EMO SI!!! Argh!! =(
You were just like the water in the sea
So wonderful so nice
I took a handful of you
I tried my best to hold onto you
Every second you were slipping away
I decided to freeze you.
I thought I could hold on to you longer
But my hand couldnt take it
You were to painful to hold on
I put you away to cool
Soon You were back in liquid state
Slipping away each and every second
Now nothing of you is left
You have slipped of my hand
I can no longer feel you
Gone. You were gone
I am dying
So Lost. So Lost without You.

A lot of thinking and thinking and thinking.
Don't you sometimes wish that your friends will treat you the way you treat them?
Don't you think some people deserves a second chance?
Don't you wish for consistency?
Some people emo not because they have a reason to be sad. It's just that they hope others will care for them. However most of the time the people they wish would care would not care which makes them even more emo from the fake emo they were. And it's always the outsiders and irritants that shower them with concern which makes them fed up.
But what's so happy about being happy. When you see others being more happy and fortunate than you you feel sad. What's so fun about being happy. You probably won't appreciate being happy anymore cuz you have everything that you want.
Somehow i wonder what it would be like if i could turn back time and change some things. Would we still be so close? Or would i just totally ignored you and bear the grudge against you for the things you said. There are really things i would like to change. But well, I guess by going through it then did i know who were those who stood by me.
It's so true when people say you only look at people's flaws when you're with them and start to appreciate them and realise how important they are when you lose them. I guess i have tried to learn to be not as spoilt and demanding. It's hard. I'm trying. I've already survived 3 months of freedom and living cheap. I do crave for Sushi Tei and new com and many other stuffs =( It's back to letting people understand me and trying to understand people. Trying not to let my temper and pettiness spoil anything. Trying not to let my emoness scare you. But i guess it takes time for you to understand me and not be scared but instead be concerned. It may not be your fault but i somehow just want you see and feel the love and protectiveness. LOL. I think I'm crazy. Zz.
Oh and it's so irritating when you get the feeling of when you can't have something so you don't want others to have it. =( Sadly it's so common and irritating. Selfish. But it's human nature. Sucky.
Emo session over.
I have so many things i want to buy and do =(
1. Cut hair
2. Dye hair.
3. Buy shirts
4. Buy boxers
5. Buy ring
6. Buy keyboard
7. Buy headset.
8. Eat sushi.
9. Clear my table.
10.Tidy up my room.
11. Go running.
12. Train some muscles up.
13. Play Dota
19. Spend time with you.
20. Love you more.
21. Go on a holiday. Japan or Hong Kong Preferred.
22. Go clubbing.
Whining session over.
Eat breakfast.
Will you catch a star for me? Please?

I seem to be doing alot of thinking. Once again i got myself sad =( Just thinking of nonsense I shouldn't even be thinking of. My thoughts are so disorientated now. I can't even concentrate on playing match =( I'm feeling so sad. Over something that isn't real. I don't believe. I don't want to believe. I hope it will not happen =( Arghh... EMO SI LE LAHZ. What are friends for. No one wanna play game with me. Fck them all.

Cant get to slp. A stupid mosqito was sucking the hell outta of me. If I could catch it I will smack it into pieces. EMO SI LE LA, friends all ps me. Didnt ask me for dota. =( Had got school work to do, haven't completed them yet. Passed birthday present to Shu Ting. My heart was throbbing when I see her. Don't know what to say to her. Simply wished her Happy Birthday and asked if she has got lesson after lunch? What a dimbo. Wanted so much to ask her more, to chat with her longer. Didnt have the courage, I guess. Meeting Kenny for school @ 6.45. Cant get to slp now. Will you be there for me when I am feeling down?

I want Chocolates
I want Chocolates
I want Chocolates
I want Chocolates
I want Chocolates
I want Chocolates
I want Chocolates
I want Chocolates
I want Chocolates
I want Chocolates
I want Chocolates
I want Chocolates
I want Chocolates

Somehow i just feel so emo yet again. Maybe it's just the emo time of the month. Everyone seems to be emo as well. And i have to say it does have an effect when everyone uses some emo nick. Makes me feel weird being happie. LOL! I don't know love. What is love. Why do i fall in love? Love is evil. Love is sad. Love makes people sad. Love makes people emo. It should be banned. Yea, Ban it plz. Makes me feel useless. Makes me feel helpless. Makes me feel jealous. Makes me feel happy. Makes me feel sad. Makes me feel loved. I don't know what i am talking. =(