It's been quite awhile since I began this blog, and it's my best blog so far. Honestly, it's nice to have strangers and friends alike who tell me it's a pleasure reading my blog, or that my posts feel 'real'.
At times I feel that this blog was the only way I could express myself. I don't talk much in real life and when problems crop up, I find it very difficult to ask someone for help directly, or go to even my darling(s) directly and tell her, "Hey this is bothering me." It was always easier to just write it down and whoever read it whenever they were free and then talk to me about it again when they wanted to. I don't do well talking face to face when conversation interruptions spoil my momentum because it leaves me speechless and I don't get to say all that I think and feel.
It was also a way for me to seek different opinions, and honestly a lot of the advice and feedback I received was really invaluable. This was advice I would never have dared to ask for, simply because it just isn't easy to ask. As I've mentioned before, I'm not the type to call someone up to chat about problems unless it's really dire.
In some ways this blog has kept me sane. Knowing I'm reaching someone with what I write, knowing I wasn't screaming at some wall or writing in a diary that nobody would ever read gave me some measure of comfort, because I knew I wasn't alone.
But as always, good things will come to an end. Currently I'm debating with myself to shut down this blog. After some things that have been said, I wondered if maybe I should learn to talk about it rather than write it. I don't know. I still haven't figured it out totally, and I wonder how on earth to survive without this avenue of expression that I've created for myself.
If I do close it down, it'll be within the week.
Whatever happens, y'all have been great readers. It's always nice to receive insightful comments, to know that someone cares enough to say something. It always has been great to have people tell me that they're touched by something I wrote. It did matter to me, and it still does. It's just that some things matter more than how I feel. Thanks for everything.
-takes a bow-
